The Book Goddess Reads

Esteemed Subjects of the Blanket Realm,

You might be wondering why my usual column is late today. Well, do I have the story for you. Tuck in your paws and get ready.

Something very strange happened last night. The Human came home late, smelling unusual and walking a bit wobbly. She was laughing at nothing at all, and managed her way upstairs before collapsing onto the bed in the most undignified way. I kept a very close eye on her, just in case she’d forgotten how to behave properly.

This morning the Human is moving very slowly, like she’s forgotten how legs work. She keeps holding her head and making dramatic sighs. Thankfully breakfast was on time, but the Human did seem very pale. After breakfast she shuffled to the sofa, curled up under a blanket, and fell back asleep.

She then disappeared upstairs into the bathroom for a few minutes. I don’t like the bathroom. It’s a suspicious place — far too much water, strange smells, and noisy contraptions. Nothing good ever happens in there. So I always wait outside, just in case she needs rescuing.

All I could hear was her saying: “Oh God. Never again.” She emerged looking very sorry for herself — in my opinion, a little bit worse than when she went in. Exactly as I suspected. This is why I don’t trust the bathroom.

Still, there are perks. She returned to her blanket cocoon, and I decided she needed me to be extra cuddly. I stretched out across her lap, purred my loudest, and kept her company. The Human hasn’t moved from the blanket all day, which means I’ve had maximum cuddle time. Every cloud has a silver lining, and every woozy Human makes an excellent pillow.

Sometimes the Human is busy and rushing about, but today she needed me to remind her that naps, warmth, and chin scratches are what really matter. So I’ve been very good and stayed by her side all day. Even to the detriment of my Sunday correspondence and for that I am not sorry, naps above all.

Final note: I don’t know what the Human got up to last night, but if it means more blanket time for me… I approve.

Love,

Smudge